Dear Trying,
I share your mother?s sense of disgust, but mine is directed toward Jerry Sandusky and his enablers at your stepmother?s alma mater. Your stepmother?s assertions about the many victims of Sandusky echo that of his wife, Dottie, who took to the stand to malign the boys her husband was molesteding in their basement. But I will try to remain cool here Okay, I will cool down, as you must in order for this visit to be a success. Despite your stepmother?s twisted loyalties, there is no reason for your trip visit to revolve around a discussion of Penn State?s transgressions. Your fianc? of course should not have to endure an ugly diatribe about Sandusky?s victims. But yYou don?t have to tell your parents why you want Penn State off the table, just that you do. Before you two arrive, call your stepmother and say, ?I know you have strong feelings about what?s happened at Penn State, but since we have such a short time together, let?s stick to more pleasant topicsfor lots of reasons, it?s important to me that we not get into this topic while we?re visiting.? You say asking her not to do something will result in her doing more of it, which may be one of many causes for your long estrangement. No matter how she answers your requestwhat she says, warn your fianc? about the possibility of an outburst about sexual- abuse victims. Maybe she?ll tell you he can ignore her blithering. It could be that if your stepmother doesn?t get a rise out of anyone, she may drop it. But if she wants to flog this, and it makes your fianc? squirm, you?ll have to speak up. First try changing the subject?the presidential race or the Supreme Ccourt?s health care ruling will seem like neutral topics in comparison. But if she enjoys needling you, no matter how much you?ve looked forward to improving your relationship, you must make clear you will stand up for yourself and your fianc?. If you have to cut the visit short, that will be your parents? loss.
Source: http://feeds.slate.com/click.phdo?i=931992adc8f75830109605eaa56f75c8
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